Welcome to Cheat Code Central: Message Boards Sign in | Join | Faq

Creative Writing

Started by puredolemite at 04-16-2008 12:21 AM. Topic has 5 replies.
 

Print Search
Sort Posts:    
   04-16-2008, 12:21 AM
puredolemite is not online. Last active: 5/12/2008 4:05:48 AM puredolemite



Top 25 Posts
Joined on 03-28-2006
Comrade Dole
Rank NA

Elite Member
Re-Unbalanced Chapter X
Reply Quote
Sorry this one took me so long to get off my lazy ass and write.  Also, sorry that it's pretty short (compared to my usual chapters) I've got work tomorrow so can't put in all the time, but the Chapter is done and the story is about to pick up again.  I'll try and at least start the next chapter tomorrow.  Anyways, enjoy this short/rushed chapter.

Chapter X

 

Keits and Kenneth had kicked Bert and Mike out of the room so that they could discuss something, Bert protested but Mike told him to let it go.

Half an hour later the door opened again.

Keits came out with Ken right behind him “Do you guys have any family on the island?”

Mike cut in before Bert could say anything “Nope, neither of us have any family here”

Bert looked at Mike “What about your cat?”

Mike looked at Keits and worriedly said “Is my cat in danger?”

Keits shook his head “alright, we’re going to go back to Dishu city and look around a bit, see if there are any signs of Berthollet.

Mike shook his head in acknowledgement, Bert looked towards Ken “What are you going to do?”

Ken let out a grin “I’m safe and sound here, if things are bad in Dishu, Keits promised to pick me up on your way to the port.  While you guys are gone I’m going to see what I can learn more about the Ragers.”

Bert scratched his head “How are you going to do that without the lab?”

Ken’s smile widened “I can talk to the lab staff using my computer, they can give me all the information I need.  I’ll be able to keep Keits informed by sending him messages from my computer to my cell phone”

Keits turned around and gave Ken a hug and said something Bert couldn’t hear, then Keits turned and started to walk out of ‘The Den’, Mike and Bert gave a quick wave goodbye to Ken and followed Keits out.

Once they were outside and the door closed behind them Keits stopped and looked up at the sky for a moment.

Mike stopped and Bert bumped into him.  “What’s up Keits?” Mike asked.

Keits shook his head and began making his way back to the ambulance.

They were almost through the alleyway when they heard someone nearby, Keits gave them a hand signal that Bert and Mike presumed meant take cover.

A man walked around the corner, stumbling into the fence.  ‘Oh Shit, is it a Rager?’ Bert thought to himself, then he heard the man’s bottle of booze hit the ground, it bounced and landed at Keits' feet.

The drunk looked up at Keits and said “Trying to steal my booze are ya? I’ll teach ya some right ways” and took a step towards Keits.  Keits just remained still.

The drunk threw a punch towards Keits that missed his face and hit his arm instead.   Keits didn’t seem phased in the slightest by the blow, Bert knew that if he’d been the one hit he’d be in a lot of pain, but Keits didn’t seem bothered in the slightest.

Keits stared into the man’s eyes and said “Just take your drink and leave us alone”.   The man bent down and picked up his bottle and began to turn away from Keits, then suddenly swung the bottle towards Keits’ head.

Before Bert knew what had happened the drunk was lying dead on the ground, his head so twisted that it almost appeared like it was facing backwards.  He quickly made his way to the body to check if there was anything he could do but Keits got in his way.

“We can’t let him die!” Bert shouted

Keits looked Bert in the eyes “Trust me, there’s nothing you can do; they taught me how to kill, not how to neutralize.”  Bert couldn’t look Keits in the eyes any longer, he looked down at the body, it was already extremely pale....the drunk was either dead or on the brink of death. 

Mike gave him a pat on the back and Bert looked up to see that Keits was continuing his way to the ambulance.  The rest of the walk Bert kept thinking of how wrong what he just saw was, but he couldn’t be upset or disgusted with Keits, the drunk was a threat.

They got to the ambulance to see that somebody had puked beside it and had passed out in the back.  Keits jumped into the back without saying a word and bent down towards the passed out person, the person appeared to be in his early twenties.

Bert jumped in and said “We can just put him on the stretcher and leave him here” trying to cover up that he was afraid Keits was going to kill the kid.

Keits had an upset look on his face; he had noticed that Bert thought of him as a ruthless killer now.  Keits didn’t say anything, he just helped put the kid on the stretcher and let Bert roll it to the door, where Mike grabbed the other end and set it on the ground.  Mike put the locks on the wheels and made his way to the driver’s seat.

Bert sat down in the passenger’s seat and buckled up.  He looked towards Dishu city and saw a deep fog with a dark cloud overhead; he let out a sigh ‘here we go again’.

Mike started the ambulance and turned to Bert “Can we stop for coffee?”

Bert let out a sigh “yeah, I can use a cup to.”

Mike began pulling out of the car graveyard, Bert herd Keits in the back mumbling something; he looked back and saw that Keits had his face in his palms.  It was then that Bert realized that Keits truly didn’t want to even hurt anyone, but couldn’t afford to take the risk of getting hurt.

“We better skip coffee for now Mike; we’ll have a cup when we get home”

Mike pulled onto the highway and began driving to Dishu city “Storm’s a brewin’”

“Indeed it is” Keits said from the back.



   Report 
   04-16-2008, 4:06 PM
Cre8ivemind2 is not online. Last active: 5/8/2008 8:40:49 AM Cre8ivemind2



Top 200 Posts
Joined on 12-12-2007
Michigan
Splinter Cell
Re: Re-Unbalanced Chapter X
Reply Quote
Damn. I was looking forward to having your first born. I even had a name lined up for it. Great chapter again. Can't think of any constructive criticism right now. I'll read through it again later.





   Report 
   04-16-2008, 5:08 PM
puredolemite is not online. Last active: 5/12/2008 4:05:48 AM puredolemite



Top 25 Posts
Joined on 03-28-2006
Comrade Dole
Rank NA

Elite Member
Re: Re-Unbalanced Chapter X
Reply Quote
The only thing that I'm upset about with this chapter was with how rushed I did it, the walk back was pretty undescriptive, enen the drunk had very little description to him, I'll try and write the next chapter over a couple nights so that I can make them better.

   Report 
   04-16-2008, 8:43 PM
Cre8ivemind2 is not online. Last active: 5/8/2008 8:40:49 AM Cre8ivemind2



Top 200 Posts
Joined on 12-12-2007
Michigan
Splinter Cell
Re: Re-Unbalanced Chapter X
Reply Quote
Bah. The Vagueness sort of allowed the reader to visualize the setting and characters as they saw fit. It allowed more interactivity.





   Report 
   04-16-2008, 8:51 PM
puredolemite is not online. Last active: 5/12/2008 4:05:48 AM puredolemite



Top 25 Posts
Joined on 03-28-2006
Comrade Dole
Rank NA

Elite Member
Re: Re-Unbalanced Chapter X
Reply Quote
The drunk came charging at Keits (OMFG press A to dodge, press it, press it damnit...nope too late, he got hit)

If you didn't press A in time read from scenario A if you did read from scenario B.

I remember there were a couple books like that, I think Garth Nix had one that even involved a dice, but that'd be way too much work for me to write.  I guess with more unimportant things like the drunk it doesn't really matter about the details, same with how they were going back through an area they've gone through before, kind of like Resident Evil games, the only thing that can freak you out about going to the same place is the new enemies.

   Report 
   04-17-2008, 1:22 PM
Cre8ivemind2 is not online. Last active: 5/8/2008 8:40:49 AM Cre8ivemind2



Top 200 Posts
Joined on 12-12-2007
Michigan
Splinter Cell
Re: Re-Unbalanced Chapter X
Reply Quote
or the guys that reach through the wall and grab you everytime you pass it. Those always scared the hell out of me. And I did press A so where is scenario A. I actually have written a book like that last year as my final exam. my teacher told us that for the exam we had to write a book in the beginning of the year so I worked all year on it. It turned out all right. Except for a few minar plot problems.





   Report 
Cheat Code Cent... » CheatCC Lounge » Creative Writin... » Re-Unbalanced Chapter X