Loneliness

Creative Writing

Loneliness


jdentremont 03-26-2008, 1:56 PM

 “Run!” cried Lucie as the planes moved closer. And run they did. Lucie and her family were the only people who knew of the safe place. They were three in the family; Lucie, her husband Kent and their daughter Rebecca. There was also their butler, George, but he had no relation to them.

 

 They were running from death itself. Because of the pollution problems in their city, the government ordered the demolition of the city and all its inhabitants. Kent was a rich man, and was able to build a bomb shelter for him and his family. There was something different about this shelter; it also acted as a house, a large one at that. He planned to move his family in earlier, but could not because of an unexpected sickness. Now, they were forced to run for their lives because of the fact that all vehicles had been confiscated to prevent escape.

 

 Somewhere nearby a bomb went off, it had begun. The three of them, George carrying two-year-old Rebecca in his arms, sped up a little. They could hear the rattle of machine guns and the thump of adults and children alike falling to the ground. A bomb landed next to a man in front of them. Dark red blood filled the sky as he was blown apart in many pieces. Lucie cringed at the sight and closed her eyes as they ran past a severed arm lying on the ground. She heard another round of machine gun bullets and, within the same millisecond, she knew no more. Kent witnessed a spray of blood come out of his wife’s head as the bullet passed through her. He cursed aloud and continued running. He was determined to save his daughter.

 

 They ran past many destroyed buildings and Kent remembered many memories; smoking behind the school, swindling fishermen out of their money… The city he grew up in, it would all be gone. He realized life would not be worth living after this.

 

 Kent stopped running. George told him to hurry up before they got him. Kent refused and explained that he didn’t want to live anymore. A gunshot was heard, and Kent fell to the ground.

 

 George ran with young Rebecca in his arms. He ran faster then ever before. They reached the shelter, and George pushed open the large door. Just after setting Rebecca down and barring the door, he heard another explosion, bigger then the rest, and he knew that he and Rebecca were the only people still alive, they were alone.



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Re: Loneliness


Doghog73 03-27-2008, 3:52 PM
Good story so far can't wait to see a sequal
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Re: Loneliness


Cre8ivemind2 03-28-2008, 2:35 PM
Interesting. Does this take place in the future? If so, how far? I just couldn't see the government bombing a place because of pollution. That's like throwing gas onto a fire to put it out. An interesting concept though. Al Gore might do it though....




Re: Loneliness


Pablo49 03-28-2008, 2:41 PM
I like how the father couldn't live without the city he grew up in. I would have done the same thing. Very nice story.





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Re: Loneliness


jdentremont 03-28-2008, 7:31 PM
 Doghog73 wrote:
Good story so far can't wait to see a sequal
There is no sequel. That's it right there. Also, to creativemind's question, yes it is in the futur, although I'm not sure how far.


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Re: Loneliness


river 03-28-2008, 7:34 PM
 jdentremont wrote:
 Doghog73 wrote:
Good story so far can't wait to see a sequal
There is no sequel. That's it right there. Also, to creativemind's question, yes it is in the futur, although I'm not sure how far.


I love open ended things like this. They help the reader form more of an opinion. Although, for a story like this, there should have been a little more development. Other than that, pretty solid idea.


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Re: Loneliness


Nimfoodle the Great 03-28-2008, 8:13 PM

 river wrote:
 jdentremont wrote:
 Doghog73 wrote:
Good story so far can't wait to see a sequal
There is no sequel. That's it right there. Also, to creativemind's question, yes it is in the futur, although I'm not sure how far.


I love open ended things like this. They help the reader form more of an opinion. Although, for a story like this, there should have been a little more development. Other than that, pretty solid idea.

 

I cant stand them, its like building a home, not finishing the top, and telling the owners, eh, well, just imagine.

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