 12-21-2007, 4:34 PM
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Cre8ivemind2
 
Joined on 12-12-2007
Michigan
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![Person [Z]](/emoticons/emotion-47.gif)
The Unknown Part 1
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Note to everyone: Haven was used a lot I understand. I just chose the name because the cities of Haven were the final safe spots or safe "havens" from the unknown. With that said here is part 1.
Detective Joseph Slims pulled a cigarette out of the package, lit it, and took a long draw on it. The scream he had heard the night before came from a fifteen year old girl who now lay dead in the street.
"What happened to her?" Slims asked the medical examiner.
"Levidity is fixed, so she wasn't moved. Liver temperature suggests that she died around midnight." The M.E. answered.
"So she was more than likely killed by the Unknown." Slims pointed out.
"Definately," The M.E. added.
"Dammit!" Slims cursed aloud.
"Slims," Detective Cossins said."Settle down."
Detective Slims turned around and stomped away. Case closed. The kid's killer wouldn't be put to justice. He angrily climbed into his car and drove off. One destination set in his mind. The Council of Unknown Activity.
The drive was peaceful. People wandered the streets, looking in store windows at things they knew they couldn't afford. The merry melody of christmas carols pured in through the car stereo. Taking a left into the parking structure Slims thought of what he should say. Many things came to mind but he doubted that the Council would do anything about the murder. He still had to try.
"Detective Joseph Slims requesting a meeting with the Council," Slims said while showing the receptionist his badge.
"One moment Detective," She replied. She tapped keys on her keyboard and stared at her computer screen for what seemed like an eternity. Finally she looked at Slims and said "They will see you now".
Slims turned and walked away. The double doors were heavy and required a little strength to open. Once inside he felt strangely worried.
"Detective Slims, how can we help you?" Councilman Elliot Trill asked.
"A young girl was murdered last night," Slims began.
"How does this concern us?" Elliot asked.
"The Unknown are the culprits," Slims answered.
"She shouldn't have gone outside at night," Councilwoman Myra Trill said.
"We shouldn't be confined to our homes after dark!" Slims yelled.
"There is nothing we can do," Elliot stated.
"We can attack the Unknown. Take back the night!" Slims yelled.
"No" Myra demanded."It is far too dangerous. We don't know a thing about the Unknown. That is where their name comes from. They could be three times as powerful as humans. We must think of the citizens. They would be slaughtered."
"They are being slaughtered!" Slims yelled. "One by one they kill us. Soon their numbers will far surpass ours. Then you will be sorry you didn't eliminate the threat when it was weak."
"Detective Slims we have nothing more to say on the matter. It is getting late. You should go home and stay there." Elliot said before turning and leaving.
"It would be smart to listen to my brother. He knows what he is talking about." Myra said before leaving.
Slims cursed to himself then left the room. The door flung open and startled the receptionist.
"I take it the meeting did not go well," She said.
"The council is full of stubborn idiots. They only care about deepening their pockets," Slims said.
"Choose your words wisely," She began. "The council is very influential."
"You think they'll kill me?" Slims asked. "Good, if they try I can legal kill them and then we can get rid of the Unknown without them objecting to it".
"I'm just saying that they can convince people to do anything." She said.
Slims left the woman and walked out the front door. The air was cold and sitcky. Slims walked through the parking garage toward his car. He heard a loud clicking noise behind him. Slowly, he turned. One of the lights went out. Click. Then another one went out. He heard a growling noise come from within the darkness. His hand instinctively moved to his holster.
"Oh hell no," He said to himself.
Click. Another light turned off. Slims turned and began running toward his car. Behind him more clicks came. Faster now. The growling noise got louder. Slims was still hundreds of yards from his car. He pulled his keys from his pocket. One more light shone directly overhead. Slims turned his headlights on using his keychain and slid into the beam just before the last light clicked off. He sat against the front of his car. His pistol was drawn as he scanned the darkness around him. Growls came from within the darkness that engulfed the parking garage. Finally the lights turned back on. Slims got up and climbed into his car. One thing caught his eye right away. Sitting on the passenger seat was an envelope with Detective Slims written on it. Slims opened it up and read the note. It read:
Detective Slims:
I hear that you dislike the Unknown more than any other man in the cities of Haven. I must congratulate you on having this title. I have some information that could help you get rid of these things. Meet me in the Haven Statue Park at midnight. I should be easy to find. I'll be the only one there.
Slims started the car, pulled out a cigarette, lit it, then began his drive to the park. Information awaited.
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12-21-2007, 6:35 PM
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uncle sam
Joined on 01-29-2006
Alabama
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Bravo! The short part of the story made me feel suspense, which is very rare in stories I read. You have that pleasurable effect on me that I just wanted to keep reading more and more. This is the best story I have read on CCC by far. Its not one of those cliched war stories I see all the *** time.
10/10. I suggest you continue to keep writing. Cant wait till part 2.
by Stealthmaster
"I go to sleep sometimes and wake up in leather straps and ties to the bed, I'm naked otherwise and there are toys and other sex instruments laying around me. The thing is...This has happened when my wife WASN'T home...I think it may be my 17 year old daughter. I've looked in her room and she has some of the same sex toys and she has written in her journal that she is into that same kind of fetish. What should I do?"
- Pablo on Yahoo answers
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12-21-2007, 6:56 PM
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Cre8ivemind2
Joined on 12-12-2007
Michigan
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Thank you. I have begun writing part 2 already.
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12-22-2007, 8:40 AM
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bmw7270
Joined on 11-21-2005
Somewhere over the rainbow
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Wow, this story has a great plot and story line. I would read this if it was a novel, it's a very good start, and it makes you want to read more. Great job.
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12-25-2007, 3:31 AM
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Lucie
Joined on 12-20-2007
Tennessee
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10/10 Very good I am hooked!
 the savage wrote: | One two three four, tell me that you love me more. Five six seven eight, why don't you fall for the bait...
^You see that lucy, I missed you so much that I made teh rhyme for you... |
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| puredolemite wrote: | |
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12-25-2007, 11:25 PM
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Rael
Joined on 06-30-2005
Belleville, IL
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Very good story you got going here. A little cliched, but it seems to have some originality, something hard to come by these days. Just don't make "The Uknown" vampires or zombies, because that is bye-bye orginality.
With some clean-up, I think this could be a publishable work. My advice to you, if you are thinking of becoming a serious writer, is delete all these posts of your story before someone steals it. I know it sucks to deprive those who enjoy the story from reading it, and depriving yourself from such valuable feedback, but there are safer ways to get feedback.
It is too late for me to read the rest, but I will, if it is still there, which in a way I hope it isn't.
"You aught not to do that, he's just a boy, mmhmmm." ~ Carl
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12-26-2007, 9:02 AM
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uncle sam
Joined on 01-29-2006
Alabama
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His other stories. For linkage of my sig since it can only hold 556 characters.
Part I
Part II
Part III
Part IV
Part V
Part VI
Part VII
Part VIII
by Stealthmaster
"I go to sleep sometimes and wake up in leather straps and ties to the bed, I'm naked otherwise and there are toys and other sex instruments laying around me. The thing is...This has happened when my wife WASN'T home...I think it may be my 17 year old daughter. I've looked in her room and she has some of the same sex toys and she has written in her journal that she is into that same kind of fetish. What should I do?"
- Pablo on Yahoo answers
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